Ok, not to harp on this one thing, but my mom is so freaking dumb! How could she talk about gay marriage and the traditional family when she got knocked up at age 57 or however old she is!? And then she has a daughter who’s a total floosy, who’s going to marry that redneck thieving porn addict Levi just because he knocked her up. So much for abstinence only, mom! It’s like she’s just asking to be made fun of. She’s such a nightmare! Besides mom, you’re not exactly a great mom. You drag me all around at all hours of the night and I can’t get any sleep. You know I’ve been reading in JAMA about how important sleep is for kids my age. And you actually got on a plane when you were 8 months pregnant with ME! Who does that? See I’m in such a bad mood! Because I’m not getting enough sleep!
OHHH! Gay stuff! That’s what my mom was talking about
GAY MARRIAGE! Duh! How could I have been so dumb! Now I understand what my mom was talking about with that her tutor and friend Linda Lingle. Remember I was totally confused about what the hell my mom and Lingle were talking about? That thing that was either a disease or a choice? Well the word they kept using, which I didn’t understand was “gay” and “homo.” Lingle kept saying gay, my mom said homo. Anyway, now that I’m more mature, I’m starting to understand human sexuality. Before I was a total baby about it. So Sarah Palin is officially against gay marriage. She said so. And she said she’d support a constitutional ban on it.
In my own state I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that that’s where we would go because I don’t support gay marriage. I’m not gonna be up there judging individuals, sitting in the seat of judgment telling them what they can and can’t do, should or shouldn’t do. But I certainly can express my own opinion here and take actions that I believe would be best for traditional marriage and that’s casting my votes and speaking up for traditional marriage. That instrument that - it’s the foundation of our society, is that strong family and that’s based on that traditional definition of marriage…
What is wrong with this lady? I’m so embarrassed to be related to her sometimes. Or, more like all the time. You’re not judgmental or anything. You just want to outlaw their lifestyle. God. And to think there are actually those logcabin republicans out there. That is some sick stuff. I’m less than a year old and even I can tell that’s some self loathing going on. How can gay people actually support people who think they’re criminals? My god!
Look at the video of my old lady on some Christian freakshow show.
So I forgot to tell figured out who my mom’s tutor is. I recognized her when I saw her on TV after the debate defending my mom. Her name is Linda Lingle. She’a apparently the first Jewish female Governor of Hawaii. Weird.
I guess she was at the RNC too. But I didn’t see her. It must have been during one of the rare times I was actually allowed to get some sleep.
So I figured out why the blackberry is so slow. Levi downlowded all of this porn onto it. I’m deleting it so I should be able to write more consistently. Well, it makes sense that he’d be into this since he looks like a pornstar, or at least did until he got his extreme makeover for the RNC.
Sorry for going MIA. A couple weeks ago I was awoken by Levi looking through my crib. (Not in the Snoop Dog sense of “crib.” Ha, ha. I was able to download an episode of MTV Cribs. I thought it was about babies or something. Turns out it’s an insipid reality TV show.) Anyway I guess Levi was working the room because then he started looking through the drawers and everything. He’s a real goon, that one. Whatever, he and Bris(lu)tol deserve each other. He took some baby food and sat down and started playing with the blackberry. But I finally got it back because he and Bristol decided that my room would be a good place for them to have sex… GROSS. And it fell out of his back pocket. This thing is sooo slow now. What the hell did Levi do to it?
I’m blogging from this wack restuarant Boli’s on the Boulevard, in North Carolina. My mom is watching the debate here with some Republicans.
Wow. John McCain is angy and insane. He really needs to choose his battles. He’s such a hater. But he’s not just hating on Obama. He’s hating on Tom Brokaw! Brokaw just asked who McCain would appoint as treasury secretary and McCain said “Not you.”
WTF? Is that supposed to be funny? Is that a classic joke from the 19th century that no longer resonates with us as a society? I feel kind of bad for the Old Man. He’s so angry and uncomfortable.
His laugh scares me.
His “my friends” scares me.
OK. I don’t feel sorry for McCain any more. He just referred to Obama as “that one.” He said “You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one.” How offensive is that?
Let’s hope it’s alzheimers and McCain doesn’t remember Obama’s name. Because if it’s not Alzheimer’s, it’s total dickishness………………………………………………………………………………..
Hi guys! Sorry, for the ……………….jjjjjjjjjjjjjj that ended my last post last night. I fell asleep. But can you really blame me? I mean my teen parents are souch freakin’ idiots. Last night’s debate was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay past my bed time. What kind of parents keep their kid up that late? They have no concern for my sleeping schedule.
Then they brought me onto the stage of course and I was so annoyed. And then they handed me to my mom. And she pretended to burp me! Why would you burp me? You burp a baby after it drinks milk. How could I have been drinking milk? Were you nursing me during the debate? If you weren’t, who was? What the hell. Simple biology lady.
Then, as per usual, they handed me off to butter fingers, my baby of a sister, Piper. At least she didn’t spit on my head this time.
My mom is such a slut! I can’t beleive she is wearing this outfit to her first vice-presidential debate. She’s wearing this tight black suit and these bright red shoes. Those are the “fuck me pumps” that she promised my dad she wouldn’t wear. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, I wasn’t born yesterday. I was going through some family albums and see that she’s been a slut for a long time. I found this photo of her in a crass AND unfunny (this is become a motif) t-shirt that said “I May Be Broke, But I’m Not Flat Busted.” Classy.
OK the debate has started. Again, nobody is watching me right now. I’m pretending to be asleep but I’m blogging away. My mom just walked onto the stage and asked Senator Biden “Hey, can I call ya Joe”? Is she kidding? Why did she do that?
I can’t beleive it but my mom actually brought in those flashcards. Her tutor kept telling her she couldn’t. I knew my mom was upset about not being able to use them but I didn’t think she’d bring them anyway. She wasn’t holding them in her hand when she came onto the stage. So she must have planted them before hand or she stuffed them in her bra. She keeps money there sometimes. Anyway, I totally can see her reading the cards. I think she’s cheating. I hope they throw her out. That would be awesome.
You know, I think a good barometer here, as we try to figure out has this been a good time or a bad time in America’s economy, is go to a kid’s soccer game on Saturday, and turn to any parent there on the sideline and ask them, “How are you feeling about the economy?”
I thought you were playing up the hockey mom schtick. But all of a sudden you’re a soccer mom? God lady. Get your stuff together.
Oh my god! Even with those flashcards, my mom can’t answer the questions. She just flat out (but not flatbusted) said she won’t answer the questions: “And I may not answer the questions the way that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also.”
Joe Biden is totally creaming her.
WTF is my mom insinuating here to Joe Biden: “I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right?” Is she threatening Jill Biden? I’m confused.
“Say it ain’t so, Joe.” What is the deal with these expressions? Where is she getting them from?
Wow. Joe Biden is saying some really touching stuff. I’m kind of tearing up. Poor guy: “Look, I understand what it’s like to be a single parent. When my wife and daughter died and my two sons were gravely injured, I understand what it’s like as a parent to wonder what it’s like if your kid’s going to make it.” Wow. he and I are both tearing up now.
OMG. Wait! So, Joe Biden talks about the tragic loss of his wife and daughter and here’s how my mom responds: “People aren’t looking for more of the same. They are looking for change. And John McCain has been the consummate maverick in the Senate over all these years.” I guess this tutor my mom has didn’t explain to her that even if you don’t care about the tragic events that transcend politics, you have to at least PRETEND you care. You CANNOT just switch topics. Wow. She’s so blatantly cold-hearted
Live Blogging pt 2: My Mom Plays the Maverick Card and the Race Card
So my mom is calling McCain a maverick for like the 3007th time. I didn’t know he was a maverick! And I never knew he was a POW! Why doesn’t the campaign mention either of those two things? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My mom is totally playing the identity politics card (not that she knows what those three words mean individually or combined.) She’s showing that McCain has universal appeal by saying he’s supported by different groups of people: “Also, John McCain’s maverick position that he’s in, that’s really prompt up to and indicated by the supporters that he has. Look at Lieberman, and Giuliani, and Romney, and Lingle, and all of us who come from such a diverse background of — of policy and of partisanship, all coming together at this time, recognizing he is the man that we need to leave — lead in these next four years, because these are tumultuous times.” OK, Liberman, as we know is Jewish. Giuliani sounds like an Italian name. I think he’s that goon who made a total ass of himself by speaking like he was a character out of the Sopranos at the RNC. Lingle… who is that? Lingle, Lingle. Why does that name sound so familiar?
I don't get it! Is it a disease or a choice? This is what my mom and her tutor were talking about today
mom:
it's a disease, I'm pretty sure they found the gene.
tutor:
it's actually not. It's more of a choice.
mom:
well then it's a disease you choose.
tutor:
maybe. But either way, you don't have to worry about catching anything. It's not contagious. It's certainly not airborn.
mom:
why do you know so much about the disease-choice?
tutor:
mostly from books. One of my best friends is-- has the disease choice. But she got it under control. Some people spend a lot of their lives acting out their choice. But you know that saying, if a tree falls and nobody hears it does it really make a sound?
mom:
ummm.No. But that is a really good stumper. I think it really makes a sound.
tutor:
well if people act out but nobody knows they are, does it really matter?
mom:
just to god. Because you have to live with the choice. Plus, it does matter. Did you know that they caused Katrina to happen? I swear to God.
tutor: maybe. But either way, you don’t have to worry about
catching anything. It’s not contagious. It’s certainly not airborn.
mom: why do you know so much about the disease-choice?
tutor: mostly from books. One of my best friends is— has the disease choice. But she got it under control. Some people spend a lot of their lives acting out their choice. But you know that saying, “if a tree falls and nobody hears it does it really make a sound?”
mom: ummm. No. But that is a really good stumper. I think it really makes a sound.
tutor: well if people act out but nobody knows they are, does it really matter?
mom: Well just like God hears a tree irregardless of it getting cut, God sees what you’re doing. And also, you have to live with the choice. Plus, it does matter. Those people are dangerous. Did you know that they caused Katrina to happen? I swear to God. God’d the one who told me, in fact. Well he told John Hagee, who told me. You’d like Hagee because you’re Jew.
Today my mom and dad got into a huge fight. He said he doesn’t want the tutor coming over “with her freakish ways.” Mom said she really needs her help to study and that she’s not freakish. “Listen! She may be funny looking and Jew, but you know me better than to think that I would actually have one of those people in my home and expose my children to those kinds of values. Besides those people aren’t diseased like they teach us in school and church. They make a choice.” And then my dad said “Then why don’t you just go and make a choice with her, you trollop.” Then he started crying. And my mom tried to comfort him. It was pathetic. Then she started doing this weird cheer “First Dude, First Dude, First Dude,” and finally my dad joined in. Then he said “you better promise me one thing. You’re not gonna wear those Fuck Me heels to the debate.” And my mom said “Ya betcha!” That’s like her favorite expression these days.
My Mom’s Tutor is so Annoying and she may be diseased
My mom’s tutor is basically living here. She’s always hanging out with my mom. She’s supposed to be training her but my mom isn’t improving at all. That’s because they don’t practice debating that much. They mostly just talk and laugh. And every now and then my mom will try on different outfits for her to see which one she should wear to the debate. She told her tutor she wants a “jazzy, sexy but ya know at the same time real classy number.”
Then my mom asked the tutor about some disease. I don’t know what it is but it sounds really serious. And it turns out the tutor knows a lot about the disease, she may even have it, so my mom was asking her all these questions: “are ya born with it? Like a cleft palet? But worse? How contagious is it? Is it airborn?”
My mom is flipping out. It’s so embarassing to have a mom who is less mature than you.
She’s throwing a total tantrum hissy fit because her tutor just came over and said she can’t bring flashcards to the debate. My mom got all upset because she says that if she had known that, she never would have agreed to the debate.
Her tutor is trying to comfort her and keeps hugging her. It’s a really awkward hug.
My mom is so inept. She’s been practicing for this debate, which should be really interesting. She kept messing up with the old flashcards so her tutor made her new ones and threw out a bunch of the old ones. Here are her new flashcards
Taxes
Why Obama sucks
Why McCain is a Maverick
Why not answering questions is partiotic
Why answering questions is elitist and Washington DC insider
hockey/soccer mom
She keeps going over them and getting things wrong
Hi guys! Sorry, for the ……………….jjjjjjjjjjjjjj that ended my last post last night. I fell asleep. But can you really blame me? I mean my teen parents are souch freakin’ idiots. Last night’s debate was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay past my bed time. What kind of parents keep their kid up that late? They have no concern for my sleeping schedule.
vice-presidential debate. She’s wearing this tight black suit and these bright red shoes. Those are the “fuck me pumps” that she promised my dad she wouldn’t wear. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, I wasn’t born yesterday. I was going through some family albums and see that she’s been a slut for a long time. I found this photo of her in a crass AND unfunny (this is become a motif) t-shirt 
